The Journal Gazette
 
 
Saturday, December 04, 2021 1:00 am

Late night laughs

Stress and strains

“For most of 2021, the world has been fighting the various COVID variants, which are more than the OG from Wuhan. We had alpha, we had lambda, we had delta – COVID basically turned the planet into the ... frat house of all time.

“I mean, how did that happen after everything we did? I mean, for two years now, people, we wore masks for some of the time, we social distanced when it was convenient, then like half of us got vaccinated – what more is it gonna take?” – Trevor Noah

“Omicron – it sounds like a Transformer who can't smell or taste.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Experts are hoping it ends up being like the second season of 'Tiger King' where everybody talks about it, but nobody actually experiences it.

“Trying to guess where it will strike next is fun. It's like, 'Where in the world is COVID San Diego'?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Both Pfizer and Moderna are testing how well their vaccines protect against Omicron. Unfortunately, they won't know the results for two weeks, at the earliest. Evidently, the scientists are stuck in a container off the coast of China.” – Stephen Colbert

“And I wish they would hurry up, because I need to know what I'm doing in two weeks from now, you know?

“Should I be buying my 'Spider-Man' tickets or learning how to hunt and cook wild animals? Or should I split the difference and buy 'Spider-Man' tickets for the wild animals?” – Trevor Noah

“Omicron does appear to be evading vaccines. It's a scientific phenomenon known as Aaron Rodgers.” – Stephen Colbert

“If we do need a new vaccine for this new variant, it's not a big deal, all right, people? I see people online being like, 'We're gonna get a new shot every year?' Yeah, you know what? Maybe to not die you need to take 15 minutes out of your year.

“What, is your life so busy that you don't have time for that? I guarantee you, at some point in the next year, you will walk by a CVS. Unless you live in the desert – then it's gonna be like a five-minute walk to a CVS.” – Trevor Noah


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